K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize