Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
