I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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