i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
