I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize