The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
