are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
