He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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