You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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