doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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