i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
