I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
