I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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