I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
