if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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