remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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