Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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