i think my tv is drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
