Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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