Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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