I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
