After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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