just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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