if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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