Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
