Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
