Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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