If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
