She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
