Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
