Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
