I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
