Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize