I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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