he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
