Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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