i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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