Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They are going to name an STD after you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
