Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
