Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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