If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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