FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we're so committed to being not committed
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