Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
