i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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