Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
