I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
