I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
