I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
