I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
