How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
