you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
