Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
