when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
