he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
