did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
