let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
