At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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