i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
