Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
