so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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