you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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