and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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