dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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