oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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