eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
