Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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