Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
