i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
