i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
