I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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