Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
