Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
