Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize