I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
birth control should be required to get into college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
