It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
