Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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